You know how dark chocolate is so rich it is almost bitter? But it is SO good too, you just can't eat a lot? That is how my life feels right now. Bittersweet. The bitter part that makes me take it in small bites is adjusting to my baby going to school next week. He seems so little compared to his brother at that age. I know part of it is that he is actually smaller in size than Nason was, but part of it is just that my baby, my last little guy, is going to be gone every day all day from now on during the school year. It's over! That sweet time at home that seemed to drive me crazy, when he would ask me to read and spend time with him and it seemed like all I wanted to do was housework and I should have been spending time with him! That makes me feel bitter, because it's hard to realize I should have said yes to him more often.
But yet sweet, because it's so neat to see my oldest child developing a real personality, and having actual conversations with him of an adult nature, without whining and crying, that is just so new and so fun! For instance, he convinced me he needed a robe and he wanted to start sleeping with his door partially open at night. He had calm, rational discussions about each item, none of which involved yelling, crying or whining. (Nason didn't whine either! Ha!) I am enjoying the sweetness of seeing him mature and his reading skills are way out there.
And sweet, because it's also fun to see Jakin's total and complete enthusiasm for school. Bouncing and smiling at the eye doctor, in the dentist's chair, and even when he had to get shots at the doctor's office, all because he knew that got him one step closer to SCHOOL!!!! I get sad when I think of my little guy at school all day, learning and leaving me behind. I tell him I don't want him to go and leave me alone all day, and his favorite comeback is, "Mommy! You can come and eat lunch with me!" Yeah, like that's going to make up for the fact that he is away from me for 7 1/2 hours the rest of the day!!
And sweet, because I will finally have time for me. Ok, so I am selfish and often took time for me before, when I shouldn't have, but now I can do it guilt-free. I am getting another job hopefully, which will help the finances, but also having time during the day to scrapbook uninterrupted if I want, wow! Strange and glorious! =) Maybe I'll finally get started on Jakin's baby book! Oh wait, there is my cruise album and the Disney album to finish first!
I find I am actually looking forward to the challenge of packing new and interesting lunches each day for them, and I can't wait for Monday, when I can surprise Nason with a note in his lunchbox!
So, dark chocolate is my favorite type of chocolate. I can only nibble it, I can't bite off big chunks, but I think that is what God intended for our lives. You take each day as a little nibble, do the best you can, and enjoy the time you have with your children, whatever stage they are in, and don't guilt yourself for the should-have-beens or the what-if-I-hads. I certainly intend to enjoy this phase of my life, spending time each afternoon and evening with my kids, soaking up their love and thirst for knowledge, listening to Nason read, watching Jakin learn to read, and watching the Lord shape their lives.
I think I'll go have a nibble of that dark chocolate right now and help Jakin check off another day on his calendar he is keeping until that tragic/exciting first day of school on Tuesday! With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, I will hand him that marker and then accept his joyous hug when he sees how close he is to asserting some independence from me!
